Hip Albatross
by a tiny cyborg
Summary: a few very short and hopefully amusing stories. some immaturity required.
1. Chapter 1

_Prod. Prod. Prod._  
"Is eet even still alive?"  
"I 'unno, Noods. The fuck is it? Muds! Murdoc! Niccals!"  
"Wot, wot you want, you big lard?"  
"The fuck is this thing?"  
"That? It's a Justin Bieber ."  
"What's it doing 'ere?"  
"I thought it was a girl."  
Noodle, Russel, and 2D looked at Murdoc with a collectively confused look. The girl shook her head, rubbing her temples in aggravation.  
"A girl? So you... Looked?"  
"Well yeah," Murdoc mumbled, seeming to be getting aggravated now. "Look I 'eard 'er... I mean 'im! I 'eard 'im in some song and saw the video and thought it was a cute girl. Don't lookit me like that, Faceache!"  
2D seemed to be the most confused of all. Poking the body with his foot again, he scowled slightly. "Wotchu mean it's a girl? It's a girl, right?"  
Noodle patted 2D on the back, sighing. He was so hopeless that it was almost charming. "No, D. It's a boy. Muds ju-"  
"Don't call me that."  
Noodle shot Murdoc a dangerous glare. "Don't interrupt me. You'll confuse him more. Anyway, D, _Murdoc_," she hissed the last word, "Thought he was a girl."  
"So what's 'e doing 'ere?" 2D questioned again. Poor boy was still confused as all hell.  
Again, the band all turned to look at Murdoc. "Look here! I just thought 'e was a cute girl so I 'ad 'im shipped 'ere. Little bugger turned out to be a boy... Hrnp." The Satanist snorted and crossed his arms over his chest.  
"So did you... sl-sleep... Sleep with..." Noodle turned away, turning dark red and looking nervous about the question.  
"'course I didn't fuck 'im, girl!" Murdoc sneered. "I like the girls, not the boys, lovely." He winked at her and Russel growled dangerous. The bassist simply rolled his eyes in annoyance.  
A groan caused the band to look down. The blue-haired singer let out a yelp as the curled up Canadian pop star grabbed his leg. Shaking it viciously and popping the poor boy in the face a few times, he jumped away once his leg got free. Hiding behind the Noodle android that had been silently standing there.  
The Noodroid let out a metallic hiss as the young boy began to try to stand. He reached out for her, groaning once more. The girl held up her foot, the band collectively screaming "NO!", though it was too late.  
The boy was shoved straight into the plastic ocean.  
"Well, that's less competition for us, then," Murdoc mumbled as he lit another cigarette and walked off with the Noodroid. The rest of the band stood staring at each other, shrugging their shoulders at one another, then going their separate ways.  
"At least Muds is right," Russel joked, jabbing the young girl lightly in her side. "At least that's one less competitor for us."

**a/n **this one is actually based off of a dream i had while napping. weird shit. i was amused like mad, though.


	2. Chapter 2

"Murdoc, please!" The Japanese girl whined again, tugging at the hem of his shirt. "Please, please, please, Murdoc?"  
The Satanist grunted and waved the girl away. Noodle had been bothering him for the past _week_ to do something quite ridiculous. His patience was running thin. His temper was running thinner. Murdoc Niccals was getting annoyed and an annoyed Murdoc was **not** a good Murdoc.  
"Murdoc-san, please, please play tea party with me!" Her voice was high pitched and struck the bassist's ears like needles. He had heard that sentence millions of times in the past week. He was sick of it! He was so sick of it that he was-  
"Bloody fucking hell, yes, Noodle! Yes, I fucking will! Now will you leave me alone once this is done?"  
"Yes sir, Murdoc-san!" the girl squealed excitedly, pulling his hand to drag him along.

"'D. 'D, come look at this."  
"Wot the fook is he doing."  
"He's in a dress, 'D. A fucking dress!"  
"I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU," Murdoc screamed, throwing the teapot, chock full of hot tea, at the door. As it shattered, the young Japanese guitarist began to cry. Murdoc groaned, looking at her.  
"The fuck are _you_ crying for? I'm in a god damn dress for bloody fucking's sake!"  
The girl looked at him, still crying. "That was my good teapot!"  
2D and Russel couldn't help themselves from laughing anymore. It was all too much. Murdoc, the terrifying Satanist, was in a pink, frilly lolita dress while having a tea party with a young girl. It was just too much, really!

Murdoc turned, storming out of the room. "Well at least I look bloody fabulous!"

**a/n** very short. imagine murdoc in a pink, frilly dress. oh it's priceless. i had a discussion about what would have happened with noodle living at Kong Studio, since she was a little girl. this was the main topic for almost 30 minutes.  
partially lost my muse, so this was me attempting to spark it. i think it worked!


	3. Chapter 3

2D pressed his lips against Murdoc's in a fiery, passionate kiss. Everything felt so right, suddenly. Everything was perfect. The bassist grabbed onto the man's bare waist, pulling him closer, thrusting gently as the crotches of their pants touched.  
"Murdoc, oh god, Muds. I've been waiting for this for so long." 2D mumbled around the kiss. He let his hands wander over Murdoc's hard, sexy, green body, running his hand through the thick mass of hair so wonderfully called the 'happy trail'. 2D broke the kiss, feeling himself begin to salivate at the thought of what was at the end of that trail.  
Murdoc sneered at 2D, pushing him back onto the bed and ripping his pants off. Literally, he ripped them off and threw the torn jeans to the ground. He grinned as he noticed that 2D wasn't wearing any underwear. How lucky of him, like some strange coincidence.  
"Stuart... Stuart Pot.. I love you... I just love you... Now are you sure you want to do this?" Suddenly, the Satanic bassist let concern cover his face as he stared down at his new lov-

Russel and Noodroid couldn't stop laughing. The cyborg was forced to stop reading from the internet fanfic she had downloaded to herself she was laughing so hard. Murdoc and 2D sat on the couch in astonishment. The bassist was actually turning greener than he already was. 2D's normally confused state was replaced with disgust and terror.  
"They fooking wrote wot about us?" he finally managed to scream. "I wouldn't fooking do you with a billion million killion foot pole!" The singer was screeching now, his high-pitched voice now possibly breaking the sound barrier.  
This only caused the two to burst into even more laughter. "At least they got who would be on top right!" Russel howled, holding his large belly in slight pain. His abs were beginning to hurt he was actually laughing so hard.  
Murdoc still sat there, seeming shocked and confused. He scowled, turning to 2D and letting out what seemed to be a war cry. Shoving the boy off the couch, he kicked him farther away. 2D yelped, his lanky limbs tangling as he tried to hide behind Russel to get away from the angry Murdoc.  
The man was screaming, enraged that such things were on the internet. "Why the fuck ya gatta read that, Cyborg? You, wot, couldn't find some hot story of me with a sexy lady? I may be chased by pirates, but I'm not butt pirate meself!"  
The Cyborg and Russel couldn't stop laughing still. Murdoc stormed out the room, yelling curses and damning to find whoever had written that 'bloody shit smear to his sexy, lady loving name'. Noodroid finally turned to look at 2D, who was still hiding away from Murdoc by staying behind Russel. Instead of disgust, he now simply looked confused.

"'ey, Cyborg... Wots a butt pirate?"  
Russel and Noodroid only exchanged glances before grabbing onto their sides to keep from toppling over from laughter.

**a/n** i read a thread on subeta about least favorite fanfic pairings. mine is 2DxMurdoc. dear lord i need to sleep instead of think of weird scenarios like this.


End file.
